At thirty-three, biologically, I probably have several more childbearing years left in me, but, when you started having children in your early twenties, the thought of having anymore over a decade later just doesn’t feel like fun, you know?
I have pretty much come to terms with the decision not to have any more children. I have three already. I am focusing on my career after juggling childcare costs for a long time before they were all at school, and that broody feeling that can follow you around in your twenties and thirties seems to have all but vanished.
For those rare occasions where I falter, though, I have a list to refer to that reminds me I have made the correct choice for me and for my family (a little like that song 10 Things I Hate About You does for the singer when she wavers over her bad influence ex):
1. I Have Three Children Already
They range from twelve down to six, and there are nice age gaps between them. I feel very fortunate and lucky to have three healthy, happy children who are thriving at school. I do not need more than three. We would, in fact, likely struggle financially and not be able to do as much with more than three children. Our home and car are the right sizes for our family of five; having more would be impractical.
2. I’m Working Full-Time And Enjoying Having A Career Again
I cannot afford the time or time out that having another child would entail. I don’t mind whether other mothers work or not, but for me, it gives me a sense of purpose and a break from being ‘just a mum’. I don’t want to sacrifice this after getting some independence back.
3. I Have Body Confidence
I know having children changes your body, and I am unlikely to ever look or feel like I did pre-pregnancy, but I am enjoying being in my own skin for the first time in many years. I work out regularly, but I also love to eat. I think I have a good balance, and I am not prepared to jeopardise that for another pregnancy.
4. My Children Don’t Want A Sibling
It seems odd to include this, but I do think it’s an important factor to consider, especially once your children are old enough to understand the situation. The fact that none of them wanted a sibling when questioned cements my decision to not have any more. Our family really is complete as it is.
5. We Would Struggle With Childcare
Not just the additional costs involved with a young child going into childcare if you wanted/needed to work, but the logistical nightmare of us being able to have any time alone, to be able to holiday or even have a night away without the children, even date nights become a chore to organise the more children you have.
Believe me, we are very grateful and aware we have it good as my mum will babysit a lot, but she has made it very clear that this stops at three. She is not running a creche, and she is not prepared to have four children at a time.
6. I Don’t Deal Well With Pregnancy
I don’t want to go through another pregnancy as I struggle with my mental health and fear that I would not cope well, especially now I have three children and a full-time job to contend with.
7. I Will Still Be Fairly Young When My Children Are All Grown Up
Much like a strange game of snakes and ladders, I feel that if I were to have another baby, it would be akin to falling down a snake, after rising up most of the ladders. When my youngest is 20, I will be under 50, and I am pretty happy with that.
8. I Have Paid My Dues
Like I say, I had my eldest when I was in my early twenties (very early twenties, I had, in fact, just turned twenty-one when I gave birth to him), and I feel I missed out on a lot during my twenties by raising children.
I do not want to sacrifice another decade of my life changing nappies, when I could be moving on and enjoying my life with my existing children as they continue to grow and find their own place in the world.
9. I Enjoy Being An Aunt
My brothers and sisters and cousins are having children now, and I can enjoy being an aunt, being able to hand the baby back at the end of the day rather than struggling with those never-ending sleepless nights. I can’t wait to enjoy babies without the added pressure that comes with being a new mum.
10. I Simply Don’t Feel That Urge To Procreate Anymore
I have had three babies but have been pregnant five times in my life. I had an early pregnancy loss around 18 months ago, which really affected me. It was an unplanned pregnancy, but it still made me feel very hollow and hit my mental health hard. I don’t want to risk anything happening again. This is why I am confident that I won’t be having any more children.
So there you have it, my ten reasons why I won’t have a fourth baby. Now to quash the worrying inner narrative which says I have just jinxed myself by setting out all the reasons why I won’t get pregnant again….
