Love it or loathe it, it's not long now until that bloody elf makes another appearance. If you're a parent who hasn't had the joy of welcoming an elf to your home during December, where have you been!? And more importantly, how have you managed to avoid them? The Elf on the Shelf was a story written by Carol Aebersold and her daughter in 2004. It wasn't long before the story of an elf, sent by Santa took the world by storm. And it's going nowhere fast. My son is absolutely obsessed with the darned thing. And if you're anything like me, you just don't have time to manage the shenanigans of an elf, on top of everything else going on right now. Stuff like work, parenting, homework, food shopping. A bloody pandemic. Yes, the elf is cute, yes, it's just a bit of fun, but no, I refuse to let it gift wrap my entire lounge or launch flour all over the kitchen.
And that's why it's absolutely fine to put your feet up with a brew (or something stronger if you need) and come up with a good few excuses to roll out to your child when they ask why elf did not move. Erm pandemic anyone? Joking aside, that really is a bloody good excuse this year. If you wanted to take things further, just blame lockdown as the reason why elf didn't bother to turn up at all.
1. There's a pandemic on. Enough said.
2. Elf is in lockdown and not allowed to move until further notice from Santa.
3. Elf is self-isolating. Stick it in the shed for a few days.
4. Elf is too tired. It's simply had enough of the pandemic and needs a rest.
5. Elf is socially distancing at the mo.
6. Santa is trying to send an important message...
7. Elf is a bit tied up – tie your elf up with string or ribbon. Preferably for a few days.
8. Someone got out of bed. Works well if your child didn't get up that night!
9. Elf is ill. Pop elf in the bathroom with the thermometer or stick plasters all over.
10. Elf is sleeping. Either move it to the cat's bed or stick it in a sock.
11. The cat/dog/bird/chicken must have scared it. Elf is too afraid to move today.
12. Your child pissed about before bedtime? Perfect excuse. Elf can't play tricks until you are asleep.
13. It's too hot in the house! Elf is used to the North Pole.
14. Baby/Toddler/Sibling disturbed elf.
15. The weather. We can blame the weather on almost anything right? Too sunny - elf didn't move. Too rainy? Yep, elf didn't move.
16. Elf did move! It just moves at lightning speed and returned to the shelf in record time.
17. Elf ate too much junk food and simply can’t move today.
18. If your child wakes often during the night then this one is particularly useful. The elf didn't move because you were up in the night. The magic doesn't work.
19. Elf is testing you.
20. Elf has been busy playing with your toys.
21. Santa must have told elf not to play any tricks. It's definitely Santa's fault, right? And
22. Perhaps someone touched your elf by accident? A rogue fairy or the cat?
23. Elf is saving energy up for something big tomorrow...
24. Once it gets close to Christmas Day, elf only pops back to see Santa every two/three days.
And there you have it, 24 excuses for why your darling elf didn't move. Hat's off to the parents who go all out with the elf each year. My sister in particular loves to play tricks on the kids. They seem to get more elaborate each year. But if you really don't have the inclination or energy at the moment for the elf, don't be too hard on yourself. We still have a bit of fun with the elf but it certainly doesn't involve wrecking the house.
