Burnout sucks, even more so if you have a newborn.
When you imagined becoming a new parent, you probably couldn’t wait for all the newborn snuggles, the cute newborn scrunches, and the exciting new adventures you’d go on with your new bundle of joy.
Burnout probably wasn’t even on your radar.
Yet, are you constantly feeling exhausted? Have feelings of hopelessness? Wanting to escape your life?
You might be burnt out.
From those working in high-stress roles to parents with a newborn, burnout is a very real concern, especially in our modern lives of go-go-go.
That’s why noticing and avoiding burnout as soon as possible with a few simple tricks, especially when you have a newborn, is crucial to surviving those early months of parenthood.
What is Burnout?
Burnout is when you feel so exhausted, so worn out, that even easy, day-to-day tasks feel impossible.
You feel mentally, physically and emotionally drained, usually whilst experiencing heightened feelings of stress.
Burnout is when you feel overwhelmed by absolutely everything, even things that used to bring you joy.
It’s the feeling of trying to pour water from a cup, but there’s no water left to pour.
It’s the feeling of a candle burnt down to the wick, with nothing left to burn.
It’s the feeling of running on empty, with no way to refuel.
Everyone and anyone can experience burnout, and new parents are no exception.
What Are The Signs of Burnout?
The signs and symptoms of burnout can range from physical to emotional ones. Some symptoms are more obvious than others, and you don’t have to have all the signs to be considered ‘burnt out’.
Physical symptoms can include:
- Constantly feeling tired
- Unexplained headaches
- Muscle pain
- Changes in diet such as craving more foods or losing your appetite altogether
Emotional symptoms may look like:
- Feeling distant from your newborn
- Feeling alone
- Feelings of hopelessness
- Feeling trapped
- Feeling enraged for no reason
Those suffering from burnout may also start to isolate themselves from their support network, as well as constantly procrastinating away from their responsibilities.
What Causes Burnout in New Parents?
Becoming a new parent is one of the biggest life changes you’ll ever go through. In an instant (or after several hours of labour), you suddenly go from being responsible for only yourself to having a wonderful tiny human wholly reliant on you for survival.
Woah. That’s an insane amount of responsibility.
Paired with that, your new tiny human needs 24/7 around-the-clock care.
Now, not only is your life dictated by feeding, napping and nappy-changing schedules (which is exhausting in itself), but your own sleep needs probably aren’t being met AND you no longer have any downtime for yourself.
It’s relentless. It’s exhausting. There’s no end to it. It’s the best job in the world, but with the worst HR package.
No wonder so many parents feel burnt out with a newborn!
How Does Burnout Affect New Parents?
New parents who are burnt out will probably be:
- More emotionally reactive to normal everyday situations
- Easily irritated
- Short-tempered
- Distant from each other and their new baby
- Overwhelmed easily
- Unable to make everyday decisions
What Burnout Challenges Do New Parents Face?
When they’re feeling burnout, new parents may struggle to:
- Work together as a team: If you’re both feeling burnt out, there’s more likely to be friction in your partnership (not helped either by sleepless nights!).
- Remember they’re teammates, not rivals: It can be hard to not take every comment and remark personally when you’re burnt out.
- Communicate effectively: Thanks to burnout making you want to isolate yourself from each other and your support network, communication becomes even harder.
- Bond with their newborn: Burnout makes all relationships hard, including the one with your newborn.
3 Top Tips For Avoiding Burnout
Share the Stress
Instead of having a ‘primary parent’ who has to carry all the new mental, physical and emotional responsibilities of having a newborn, share these with both parents.
This could look like offering your baby a bottle at night time so that your partner can do some night feeds, or maybe even creating a rota of responsibilities so you know exactly who’s responsible for what each day.
Set Boundaries
It can be easier to just go with the flow as a new parent, but if you want to avoid burnout, setting clear boundaries with yourself and others is a must.
You could try telling your friends and family not to visit yet, or ensuring you get 30 minutes of alone time a day, no matter what.
Whatever your non-negotiables are, stick to them!
Be Realistic With Yourself
We’d all love to be the perfect parent that has a spotless house, who bakes fresh bread every morning, who’s kids have no screen time (spoiler: this doesn't exist). It’s just not realistic.
Being the ‘perfect parent’ isn’t about having a clean house and taking your new baby to all the baby classes. It’s about being realistic about what you can actually achieve.
It’s about looking after yourself so you can look after your baby.
How to Talk to Your Partner About Burnout
If you’re feeling burnt out but are worried about how to talk to your partner about it, here are some do’s and don'ts to help you get the conversation started.
DO:
- Talk about it. Even though it may feel difficult to bring up how you’re feeling with your partner, it’s always best to share now before your situation becomes even worse.
- Be open and honest. It may feel easier to sugarcoat how you’re feeling, but try to be as open and honest as you feel comfortable doing so.
- Listen to their concerns too. They may be feeling just as burnout as you, so it’s best to listen to their worries and concerns, too.
DON’T:
- Be confrontational. Easier said than done, but try not to be confrontational when discussing how you’re feeling. Your partner may not be aware how burnout you are.
- Get distracted. It can be hard to find time alone together when you have a newborn, but try not to discuss how you’re feeling whilst trying to juggle other tasks, too.
Why Should You Tell Someone You Feel Burnout?
If you’re feeling burnout, your automatic reaction will probably be to isolate yourself from your support network and keep quiet about how you’re feeling. However, if you do that, it’ll most likely never get better. Your partner isn’t a mind reader, after all!
If you have a partner, you should share how you’re feeling so that they can take on some of the newborn responsibilities and give you a chance to have a break and recharge.
If you have family and friends that offer to help, accept it! From delivering meals to helping with the housework, your support network is a lifesaver when you’re feeling burnt out with a newborn.
As always you can speak to your midwife and GP, too.
How to Help Your Partner if They’re Feeling Burnt Out
If your partner opens up to you about feeling burnt out, your initial reaction may be, “Me too!” which is completely valid. However, remembering you’re an awesome parenting team, you could try instead:
- Listening to their concerns
- Taking on some of their responsibilities
- Not taking it personally
- Sharing how you feel too
Open and honest communication is the best skill to learn as parents with a newborn! That, and how to survive on 3 hours sleep a night.
