When I gave birth to my little girl things were far from ideal. My partner was only allowed at the birth and I had to spend time in hospital without him. I can’t get over how I felt 2 hours after giving birth to our daughter and having to watch him walk away from us to then not see us for 26 hours. My heart sunk. When we were finally allowed home it was all uncertain. We had to decide who we would let see our new baby as we didn’t want anything to happen to her, but we also wanted our family to enjoy this time with us. Luckily our immediate family were able to isolate for a couple of weeks before I gave birth, so we allowed them to come and see our precious daughter.
After birth check-ups and appointments were all still strange as people had to wear masks and stay at a distance where possible. Checks ups and visits only happened when it wasn’t possible to do it over the phone. It quickly felt like we were being overrun with worry.
We managed to have a few weeks where we saw select people and had a few trips out but every time we would think about going out we would be hesitant because we couldn’t bear anything happening to our princess. We were glad for the little adventures we had and enjoyed spending the time with the people we did. As the coronavirus pandemic started getting worse we decided that for her safety we would isolate again. This was the hardest decision to make at the time. We battled with ourselves constantly. I was at home with my new baby every day feeling like I was alone while my partner had to work feeling constantly worried that he was catching other peoples germs. This took a massive toll on both of our mental health. We didn’t know what to do, we didn’t know what was for the best, we were doing this for our baby girl but how long could it last? The one positive that I get from being at home with my baby every day is that we were able to bond and build on our special mother, daughter relationship. After 6 weeks we eventually decided to see a select few people with precautions in place, we really needed to get out and socialise for our well-being. That lasted a couple of weeks and now everyone is back in Lockdown.
To this day, select few have met my baby girl, she is 3 months old and her great nanny has only held her once. She has so many people out there that love her and care for her and they have never even seen her. I’m glad that my little girl won’t remember any of this and I know she has many people who can’t wait to spoil her rotten properly with kisses and cuddles.
Having a newborn in this pandemic has been ridiculously hard. It’s taken a toll on my mental health, my views on being a mother and my relationships with people. I dreamt for so long about having my baby and I can’t wait for all of this to be over so she can finally enjoy the world how it should be.