If I had to sum up motherhood in one sentence right now, with three kids under ten, it would be ‘a test of my sanity on a daily basis’. Don’t get me wrong, having children is amazing, and being a mum is something I would never want to give up, but sometimes, it can be bloody difficult and I wish more people were open and honest about the less rosy sides of motherhood that often get filtered over for Instagram as it would make mums who are struggling a little feel a bit less rubbish.
Motherhood can feel incredibly lonely at times. Sure, the children are always there, generally making a lot of noise to let you know that they are around, and I am fortunate enough to have a supportive and loving husband to co-parent with, which I am grateful for, but for a long time, there was something missing. I had friends, but some either didn’t yet have children, or seemed to have their shit together a whole lot better than I did.
And then I found a woman after my own heart. We met in a messy play session and bonded over the fact that we had both birthed three children and lived to tell the tale. After discovering we both found the school run equally torturous, and that we sometimes felt the need to hide away for a few minutes peace in the toilet, we became firm friends and ever since I have felt that little bit less lonely.
You see, it isn’t just about having a friend. Having a mum friend who gets you, and who you can be totally honest and open with is quite simply incredible. It lifts the pressure you put on yourself when you become a mum, the desire to come across as totally in control at all times. It lets you give yourself some slack, to admit that you aren’t supermum and you’re probably never going to be, and it helps you realise that that’s ok, ‘cos they aren’t a supermum either (spoiler alert - not many mums are).
Since finding this kindred spirit, I have enjoyed motherhood more as I am not trying to be perfect, I am just being the best I can be. It may sound cliche, but having somebody who gets you, and you can chat with about anything (and send the odd photo of your child’s poop to, if you feel that way inclined), has made a huge difference to my mental wellbeing.
So, if you are feeling a little overwhelmed by motherhood, I suggest getting out there and finding a mum friend who gets you. Join those baby groups, strike up a conversation in the supermarket with the mum struggling with a tantruming toddler, accept the friend request from that mum at the school gate. You never know, you may find that one person who understands your lack of desire to join the PTA because a night in with a glass of wine and plate of cheese sounds much more appealing...
